The Things That Got Away

Maybe the next time around, we'll be better...

Sometimes we have to face the decisions we make in life.

Sometimes we don't even know if it'll be the right one.

So how will we know?

You don't, not until you make one then see how it goes.

Not every decision, though, leads to the ending we want..

Then there'll be regrets...

What if?

What if?

What if I didn't do it?

What if I'd just done it?

What if I only followed my heart?

What will happen then?

Would I be happy?

Or would it be the same?

Haunting, repeating questions.

Then we'd try to set things straight
the second time around.

Look back but move forward.

The next time I'll do it right.

Then maybe I'll be happy...

Then maybe I won't be haunted by what if's...

Next time, I promise....

But then, what happens if next time never comes?

Sometimes, things just happen...

Whether they make reasons for you or not...

This is Katy Perry's video of her song:

"The One That Got Away"

This song just moved that lonely girl inside of me

and made me write another thought.

Honestly though, I get this really sad feeling whenever I hear this song.

Still, I liked it ^_^

<last post for 2011. next stop, 2012>

12th day of Merry Blogging Christmas

woooohooooo! 'Tis the day baybeh!

It's finally Christmas!

Of course, we celebrated it in church and with my family. It's like all my worries disappeared and I am very thankful for that. I was so happy the instant I entered church. After that, me and my family went out for lunch.

The thing about my family is that we aren't used to receiving gifts during Christmas. I dunno but for me gifts come and go. I mean, I am very thankful if I ever do receive one but I guess I put more value to presence and thought. If I see other people's smiles, it makes me happy. If I see my family together, I feel that I really am at home and that it really is Christmas.

You see, material things gives you superficial happiness. But people that matters most gives you this inner happiness you never thought you can have.

So spend this glorious time with your family. Make this moment count.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

-end of 12 days of Merry Blogging Christmas-

11th day of Merry Blogging Christmas

FINALLY! one more day to go. hahah!

So one day to go before Christmas and the weather here is not-so-promising.

I haven't fully recovered from yesterday (see last post if you're at a lost there). But I'm being better. They asked me if I could go on duty today but I rejected the offer. I seriously need a break. I'm still new at this. Hope they'd understand.

Here in the Philippines, we celebrate Christmas eve with Noche Buena. It's kinda like this big dinner celebration with relatives. The more the relatives, the livelier, the better :) Oh and I forgot to mention, lotsa foods!

Sadly though, my family went for the total opposite this year. I wish I could've shared it with everyone - show them how we roll with the REAL Noche Buena. But what is real anyway? Everyone is busy and everything. But nonetheless,  I came to love it still. So long as me and my family are complete, and we share this time together, I guess that's real. :D

8th, 9th and 10th day of Merry Blogging Christmas

I've been out of the internet world for 3 days again. sigh. The first two days, my all-time super friends stayed over my house soooo I've been kinda busy. I really enjoyed my time with them :) This maybe the last time we'll be able to do this since everyone will finally start to go our own separate ways.

But little did I know that all the happiness I've finally saved up would eventually drain out so fast.

I had little sleep the last two days and I had to go on hospital duty last night at 11pm. I arrived home at around 8am dead-tired.

I was really depressed to the point that I'd almost cried. I was so exhausted. Patients were all complaining. It's like everything was out of place. Although I was with two other nurses, it's like we weren't enough to handle the situation. EVERYTHING WAS A MESS! I was so tired, 3 days with little sleep. DAMMIT. One more wrong thing and I felt I was gonna break down or something.

When we were through with our shift, waiting for the endorsements to be done, I found myself sitting in one corner, staring in thin air. I could hear a lot of noises, like everyone was talking but I kept pushing it out my mind. If only I could,  I would shout, "PLEASE JUST STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" I want everyone to shut the hell up, make time stop for a moment to collect myself.

After our experiences, I just wanna take a break. This is the reason why I can't feel Christmas.

 Let me rest, please. Maybe what I need is a good long sleep.

5th, 6th and 7th day of Merry Blogging Christmas

Well, to start of, I don't even know why I bothered doing this if I can't do it everyday T_T
But anyway, I started it so I should just continue till I finish, right?

Soo.. why the skipped days? I've been busy with hospital duty and company coming over my house. this last two days, I only got a total of 7 hours of sleep. @_@

 The best part was yesterday. I woke up with 5 hours of sleep. I got on hospital duty starting 3pm, it ended 11pm and I was exhausted. And from 11pm we stayed with a friend for her private duty nursing till 7am. I got to take a nap of two hours.

look at us.

16 hours of duty.

And I'm at a complete lost in my sense of time.

well at lest I'm not alone.

And after the days of no internet use, this is what greeted me:

hahah! subtitles we're really something.

plus what he did after the supposedly ending just made me crack up!

silly jang :)

So anyway, what I notice is that I'm not making sense anymore. Better get some sleep.

4th day of Merry Blogging Christmas

Well, recently I have been addicted to this korean drama titled "Marry Me Mary/ Mary Stayed Up All Night." Yeah, to the point of skipping my hospital duty. O.o shhh! Don't tell! teehee.

Well yeah, have you experienced (well, okay maybe just seen, to be fair to those who still haven't had a boyfriend/girlfriend) that time when you finally entered that supposedly happiest part of it, you suddenly find yourself actually in it's turning point - dull and empty?

I'm talking about relationships. When Mae Ri and Mu Kyul were still the fake lovers that they were, I found the story more exciting and I would go crazy over their sweet moments. hahah! And I would always hope they ended up together...But when the actual time came, it's like the sparks just disappeared. It's like it wasn't that special anymore...

I don't know why it's like this.

But I still went crazy when Mu Kyul does something sweet for Mae Ri. He is just to cute for me to just sit around. I couldn't contain myself. *siiiiigh* I am so in love.  ^_^

So yeah, I finished watching it in 3 days.

I'm actually thankful that I've finished it already, so that I can focus on other things again.

But thanks to the suggestion box of youtube, I stumble upon this movie of his entitled, "You're My Pet" and I was like, "Oh no..."

So a new addiction unfolds... I need to find a site to watch it!!!!!!

3rd day of Merry Blogging Christmas

I can't decide on what to talk about today. Actually I'm very sad but it would be weird to talk about how sad you are when 'Tis the season to be jolly...

So I'll be talking about this holidays emptiness. I just feel so empty. Sometimes I'm happy but in the end, I'd still be empty. Christmas is sooo near but I just can't feel it. I try so hard to feel something, even the tiniest light of hope will make me happy. But somehow it just doesn't happen. I just can't wait to spend more time with friends and family, maybe that way happy holidays can be possible :)

1st and 2nd day of Merry Blogging Christmas

I was inspired by BertieBertG, a youtuber which I subscribed to, to make this 12 days of Christmas blog. Well, it was supposed to start yesterday... so forgive me I'm late (puppy dog pout).

But before anything else, here is BertieBertG. Loving the british accent? subscribe to him! :)

So lemme sum up the first and second day. Yesterday, the only highlight I have is to promote this korean drama titled, "Marry Me Mary." It stars the only korean actor I like. (waaaaaaaah xD)

 tan tananan!

JANG GEUN SUK. hahah.

yeah I like him.

ahh, can't believe how much his look changed ever since One Missed Call 3.

But no matter how much his hair changed, his voice deepened,

or how tall he got...

He always had that same hearty smile ♥

Yeah, Marry Me Mary kept me alive when I had nothing to do yesterday... and today, after a long stressful day. It was my first time as a private duty nurse. And it was really hard. I was physically exhausted. But somehow, it's so fulfilling. That is why, this second day of Merry Blogging Christmas is so special to me. I've conquered a fear. I was actually scared of accepting the job for today, but I told myself to just go do it, and everything will be alright. And it all turned out fine, that is why I am so happy :) I feel so accomplished and I could feel that I did something worthwhile. 

What did you do today? :)

Just A Confession

I hate watching one person miss another person. I hate how they miss the things they used to do, how they decided to end up their relationship but how I could clearly see that they still truly care for one another. I hate that more than seeing couples be so openly affectionate to one another.

This is the realization I came up with while watching this korean drama called "Marry Me Mary".

And what I really hate is how I could totally relate to that.

Yeah, I had a relationship with this person once. It was my first and only one yet. I'm not gonna lie and say that I don't miss him. I do. A lot of times. But I am over him, just so we're clear. It's just that watching one particular scene from this drama made me remember of the times that I did miss him. In this drama though, I could tell that the guy misses the girl too and that he truly cared about the girl. I just dunno if I could say that it's the same for the both of us though.

I miss him. I'm not so sure if he feels the same. But that's alright. I'm happy and I hope that he is. We haven't talked that much since the breakup. I just wish that I could talk to him like how we used to before this whole relationship started. The times before our relationship started is what I really missed the most.


But hey, this is reality. And what I can do is just choke up these feelings. He was a part of my past that I can never throw away nor would I wish to forget. I just hate it how things remind me that I sometimes miss him.

Yep, this is a confession. Not to that specific person though. So this may be more like me, just expressing myself, to get in into the open what I feel. I hope that maybe I could touch other people's hearts, even though I only have so few viewers.

Feel free to share your confessions as well (e.g. in the comment box below).

when NUMBNESS strike....

Some days may feel so happy and some are just so sad. Sometimes, you feel that you're so high up that you could give the whole world a smile while sometimes you just feel so low that you want to drag everybody down with you.

But there's always that point in time when you just feel so empty. When you long to feel something, but just couldn't. When words can't even explain it. That sometimes this thing eats you up and you can't even do anything but surrender to it. What sucks is that this whole thing happens when someone needs you the most. When someone you care about so much is having his low point in life, that's when they need you to bring them back up. But what can you do when you can't even do that to yourself?

It's actually one of those times when I don't know what to say or I don't know how to react. It's like words that I often counted on have turned its back on me. Maybe it's because I don't know what to feel or I don't feel anything at all. And for that, I just want to say, I'M SORRY. :(

youtube experience

You ever had that time on Youtube when you are searching for this one specific video then hours later you wandered off to "that" side of youtube. Yeah, I meant that weird side so far off from what you intentionally wanted to watch.

I was originally watching Greyson Chance's new music video, Hold On Till the Night (just the right promotion,  hahah) and well, after a few more hours; one video led to another and this is what I found myself watching. I was laughing my butt off this video that I had to share it with you! If you've already seen it, just watch it again, it'll still make you smile. hahah :D

peace out!

Relaxed or Rebonded?

I just got back from the bank. And there's this one thing I noticed with the tellers. They all have straight hair, and not the natural kind you guys might be thinking of.

It was just weird as I was jumping view from one teller to another, they all have the same hairstyle: straight, layered, no bangs, and divided from one side. Well, not to mention that they're already wearing the same uniform. Or it got me thinking, maybe IT IS part of their uniform! Aha! Maybe that's it! (wink)

I can't really describe how they look but I do hope you get what I mean. As I was waiting for my turn to come up; I wondered if I was the only one who noticed.  I'm no fashion expert and I apologize for making this observation for anyone to read but I just got amused looking at them. heheh.  I can't even distinguish a relaxed hair from a rebonded one and I hope I'm not the only one having this dilemma.

Is this a straight hair new fab or something cause I really don't know...

Peace out!

Sun Greyson Rain Cosplay

Whatta day! well, it was actually yesterday...

The upside..

Okay so it all started when I woke up with the sun's rays hitting my face. Feeling its warmth just made me smile and actually got me dancing on my bed. Finally, the sun came out after days of gloomy weather! And it's not just that, the day just keeps on getting better, or is it...?

oh yeah, the sun in shining!!!

gaaaaah!it burned my eyes!!!!

oh lookie, my shadow...where have you gone the past days?

The moment I do my routine over the internet, I saw that Greyson Chance's new music video is out! And yes, I am his fan. ^_^

The downside...

Around 2pm I guess, it started to rain once again. I was at my old high school attending an event with my sisters. Being there made me feel a bit uncomfortable. Although the place looked familiar, the faces don't. =/

Back at the top again...

When the rain finally came to a stop, we decided to catch up to the cosplay competition that's already started. So off we went...

Then back down again...

When we finally arrived to the event and I was expecting that anime convention kind of thing, you know, big and spacious... But, for all we know,  what was waiting for us was like a big conference room jam-packed with people. I was so surprised. But we said, whatever happens, we must go in, in the name of anime!!! We were like two soldiers heading for battle. So we finally went in and there was like a 5 to 10-degree  increase in temperature, and that's in Celsius! We had to endure that plus the crappy technicals...

You know the pattern...

Then it was finally time for the meet and greet/picture-taking with the contestants. Now, that was a blast :)

 I was surprised to see one of my high school batchmates enter in this competition.

That's her right up there :)

Oh look! It's Nobita. Amazing to cosplay such an old anime, right?

Kinda brings you back to memory lane....

Waaaah! This is from one of my all-time favorite anime!

Full Metal Alchemist

These two girls cosplaying here are cute :3

This guy here caught the attention of so many girls. hahah!

He kinda got embarassed coz of that.

Poor thing.

Nice outfit though.

And here is the grand winner of the competition!

She's really beautiful.

And really nice. hehe ^_^

So all in all, I had fun. From what happened, I can actually say: Life really is full of ups and downs. And hell yeah, ANIME RULEZ!!!

Merry Santa Rain

     Today was, again, another duty day. Had to wake up early so that I could make it on time. And yes, you're right, I haven't woken up early. And yes again! I hadn't made it on time. (insert sarcastic laugh) 7am was the start of the shift and I arrived around 7:15. oh well.

     Anyway, enough about me and my poor time management skills. Today during our shift, out of nowhere, Santa Claus gave us a visit! yaaaaay! I was so shocked to be honest. It's was my first time seeing one in a hospital. I was dumbfounded sitting in this chair while holding open an instantly forgotten patient's chart. And just when I was staring at him, he handed out lollipops for everyone and that's when I suddenly got excited! We took some pictures with him. Haha. Then he went around all the patients' rooms to hand out candies and made everyone put up that big hearty holidays smile.

In this picture right here is Santa Claus together with one of the hospital's staff. Look at that big red thing..makes you wanna give him a big hug, right??? hahah. I dunno but for me, there's just something about all the Christmas spirit that makes me warm and fuzzy inside. :) 

Regression much?

And this here is my trusty partner. It's been pouring the last couple of days. Rain or shine, our duty must go on! Well, actually here we were getting ready to go home and that's my partner all ready to drive us in her motorcycle. Doesn't she look cute? :D 

I got home with my butt all wet. :P

Oreos+Warm Milk

Tonight before I went to bed, I had warm milk and oreos. I missed doing this when I was a hell lot younger. And I just thought I'd share these photos to remind you guys of what favorite bedtime snacks you used to have :) so what was your favorite?

oh yeah, I also had graham crackers xD

Instant.

Today, one of my good friends came at my place. I was really worked up on what to serve her for snacks. The last time we were together, I served her instant pancit canton. So I thought to myself, I wouldn't want to serve her that again. So i went to the supermarket and tried to find something else to eat...and guess what I bought? Noooo, it wasn't instant pancit canton but instead,(drumroll please) it was instant palabok and instant baked mac...haha! Then I thought to myself: is it really like this these days? Almost everything is instant. There's not much healthy things up on the shelves anymore. Instant stuffs aren't good for the health, I know everyone knows that but why is the number of instant things is still increasing? Nowadays, EVERYTHING IS INSTANT. Can we also have INSTANT SUCCESS and BOYFRIEND? But like I said, instant things, aren't healthy for you. >.<

bummed days

It's on days like this that I feel the stillness: that I'm here and how everything else is at a distance. But I don't blame it all on the weather, just most of it.

It's been like this for a couple of days now and believe me, I haven't done anything productive since it started. At first it was okay, then I got restless and eventually I'm so bummed out. 3 days and I hope I don't have to count anymore.

I keep on putting in off on the weather until I realized that the real reason for all these is that I'm just lonely. Well, maybe a little left out. Seeing people advance forward, and me just staying in place can be a bit scary. It leaves you a question which might go like: "where am I supposed to go now?". But then I know where I'm going, I know what I want and that maybe the better question is, "how am I gonna start?" Then, you don't know the answer. And that's how it became scary.

Now, I can't wait for the sun to shine again. But even if it won't, I will. :)