Just a rant

So it's been a long time since we split up. Almost 6 months, I think. And now I'm just hating what I'm feeling.

I guess I'm not the same as other girls. I didn't cry and I didn't even feel sad when the dreaded break-up thing happened. So months went on, like it was just the clouds rolling by. And now I find myself stuck in this frustrating situation.

I've been feeling a lot of emotions whenever I remember my times with him. Sometimes I'd feel happy remembering our crazy times together. Then I'd feel sad cause we aren't together anymore. And then I'd feel pathetic remembering all those serious convos with him. But what I hate the most is feeling frustrated because my mind has a mind on its own and thinks without my permission! All the regrets just keeps me frustrated. What gets me frustrated the most is the stupid fact that I haven't even trusted myself. I was so scared back then. I was scared of being hurt, I was scared of lowering my pride, I was scared to love.

Now, thinking back, he was a sweetheart and I was an idiot. And I hate myself for being that. But what I really hate the most is missing him a little bit too much right now. I know I'm not supposed to feel like this but I do. And I hope the time that I don't give a care anymore would come soon. Cause seriously, it's messing up my mind whenever I don't think of something else.

GRRRRRRRRRR.

So here I am, typing recklessly, hopefully not get my keyboard destroyed, ranting all these down so that I can finally get over it.
Well now at least I've learned. And hopefully I'll be better the next time. -_-"

The Things That Got Away

Maybe the next time around, we'll be better...

Sometimes we have to face the decisions we make in life.

Sometimes we don't even know if it'll be the right one.

So how will we know?

You don't, not until you make one then see how it goes.

Not every decision, though, leads to the ending we want..

Then there'll be regrets...

What if?

What if?

What if I didn't do it?

What if I'd just done it?

What if I only followed my heart?

What will happen then?

Would I be happy?

Or would it be the same?

Haunting, repeating questions.

Then we'd try to set things straight
the second time around.

Look back but move forward.

The next time I'll do it right.

Then maybe I'll be happy...

Then maybe I won't be haunted by what if's...

Next time, I promise....

But then, what happens if next time never comes?

Sometimes, things just happen...

Whether they make reasons for you or not...

This is Katy Perry's video of her song:

"The One That Got Away"

This song just moved that lonely girl inside of me

and made me write another thought.

Honestly though, I get this really sad feeling whenever I hear this song.

Still, I liked it ^_^

<last post for 2011. next stop, 2012>

12th day of Merry Blogging Christmas

woooohooooo! 'Tis the day baybeh!

It's finally Christmas!

Of course, we celebrated it in church and with my family. It's like all my worries disappeared and I am very thankful for that. I was so happy the instant I entered church. After that, me and my family went out for lunch.

The thing about my family is that we aren't used to receiving gifts during Christmas. I dunno but for me gifts come and go. I mean, I am very thankful if I ever do receive one but I guess I put more value to presence and thought. If I see other people's smiles, it makes me happy. If I see my family together, I feel that I really am at home and that it really is Christmas.

You see, material things gives you superficial happiness. But people that matters most gives you this inner happiness you never thought you can have.

So spend this glorious time with your family. Make this moment count.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

-end of 12 days of Merry Blogging Christmas-

11th day of Merry Blogging Christmas

FINALLY! one more day to go. hahah!

So one day to go before Christmas and the weather here is not-so-promising.

I haven't fully recovered from yesterday (see last post if you're at a lost there). But I'm being better. They asked me if I could go on duty today but I rejected the offer. I seriously need a break. I'm still new at this. Hope they'd understand.

Here in the Philippines, we celebrate Christmas eve with Noche Buena. It's kinda like this big dinner celebration with relatives. The more the relatives, the livelier, the better :) Oh and I forgot to mention, lotsa foods!

Sadly though, my family went for the total opposite this year. I wish I could've shared it with everyone - show them how we roll with the REAL Noche Buena. But what is real anyway? Everyone is busy and everything. But nonetheless,  I came to love it still. So long as me and my family are complete, and we share this time together, I guess that's real. :D

8th, 9th and 10th day of Merry Blogging Christmas

I've been out of the internet world for 3 days again. sigh. The first two days, my all-time super friends stayed over my house soooo I've been kinda busy. I really enjoyed my time with them :) This maybe the last time we'll be able to do this since everyone will finally start to go our own separate ways.

But little did I know that all the happiness I've finally saved up would eventually drain out so fast.

I had little sleep the last two days and I had to go on hospital duty last night at 11pm. I arrived home at around 8am dead-tired.

I was really depressed to the point that I'd almost cried. I was so exhausted. Patients were all complaining. It's like everything was out of place. Although I was with two other nurses, it's like we weren't enough to handle the situation. EVERYTHING WAS A MESS! I was so tired, 3 days with little sleep. DAMMIT. One more wrong thing and I felt I was gonna break down or something.

When we were through with our shift, waiting for the endorsements to be done, I found myself sitting in one corner, staring in thin air. I could hear a lot of noises, like everyone was talking but I kept pushing it out my mind. If only I could,  I would shout, "PLEASE JUST STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" I want everyone to shut the hell up, make time stop for a moment to collect myself.

After our experiences, I just wanna take a break. This is the reason why I can't feel Christmas.

 Let me rest, please. Maybe what I need is a good long sleep.

5th, 6th and 7th day of Merry Blogging Christmas

Well, to start of, I don't even know why I bothered doing this if I can't do it everyday T_T
But anyway, I started it so I should just continue till I finish, right?

Soo.. why the skipped days? I've been busy with hospital duty and company coming over my house. this last two days, I only got a total of 7 hours of sleep. @_@

 The best part was yesterday. I woke up with 5 hours of sleep. I got on hospital duty starting 3pm, it ended 11pm and I was exhausted. And from 11pm we stayed with a friend for her private duty nursing till 7am. I got to take a nap of two hours.

look at us.

16 hours of duty.

And I'm at a complete lost in my sense of time.

well at lest I'm not alone.

And after the days of no internet use, this is what greeted me:

hahah! subtitles we're really something.

plus what he did after the supposedly ending just made me crack up!

silly jang :)

So anyway, what I notice is that I'm not making sense anymore. Better get some sleep.

4th day of Merry Blogging Christmas

Well, recently I have been addicted to this korean drama titled "Marry Me Mary/ Mary Stayed Up All Night." Yeah, to the point of skipping my hospital duty. O.o shhh! Don't tell! teehee.

Well yeah, have you experienced (well, okay maybe just seen, to be fair to those who still haven't had a boyfriend/girlfriend) that time when you finally entered that supposedly happiest part of it, you suddenly find yourself actually in it's turning point - dull and empty?

I'm talking about relationships. When Mae Ri and Mu Kyul were still the fake lovers that they were, I found the story more exciting and I would go crazy over their sweet moments. hahah! And I would always hope they ended up together...But when the actual time came, it's like the sparks just disappeared. It's like it wasn't that special anymore...

I don't know why it's like this.

But I still went crazy when Mu Kyul does something sweet for Mae Ri. He is just to cute for me to just sit around. I couldn't contain myself. *siiiiigh* I am so in love.  ^_^

So yeah, I finished watching it in 3 days.

I'm actually thankful that I've finished it already, so that I can focus on other things again.

But thanks to the suggestion box of youtube, I stumble upon this movie of his entitled, "You're My Pet" and I was like, "Oh no..."

So a new addiction unfolds... I need to find a site to watch it!!!!!!